Our societal and personal narratives on our aging are at odds. Are we bored or content, selfish or stewards, irrelevant or essential? The societal message is that midlife represents the start of a death march full of disease, decrepitude, and desolation. But, as these graphs show, the reality is a different story (except in Russia, […]Continue reading
The Illusion Of Control
People seem stressed lately and I think it’s because they feel like things have gotten out of control. The reality is that things were never really as under control as we thought they were. We often live our lives under the “Illusion of Control” that create unrealistic expectations that lead to stress and worry.
Many of our Members feel the unrealistic need to be everything to everybody, or to make sure everyone else is happy or successful. This is a perfect way to face disappointment in life as you realize that these results are out of your control – most are.
Many more things are beyond our control than we realize. The most control we really have is how we respond to the challenges we face. For example:
- We can’t control how our kids turn out but we can control what we teach them and the life we model for them.
- We can’t control how our employees feel about life but we can control how we listen and respond to them.
- We can’t control a global pandemic but we can control whether we live in debilitating fear.
Stress vs Pressure
The illusion of control makes you feel like you are responsible to control all the variables of life. When we feel like we should be in control of something and we do not know what to do or how to fix it, we feel stress. However, when we realize that we cannot control the outcome in that area, we are freed up to move our focus onto things we truly can control, and we move from a feeling of stress to the pressure to get things done. Stress is bad – pressure is good.
My Mom always said:
“There are two things you are not allowed to worry about; things you can fix, and things you can’t fix.”
– If you can fix them, do it now and focus on other things.
– If you cannot fix it, focus on other things.
- Work on being the best version of you that you can be and let the world do what they will do.
- Seek the knowledge you need to move from Stress to Pressure.
- Bring your issues and opportunities to your CEO Group and let others help you see what you CAN control and how to get things done.